Negative Self-Talk

The Need to Change The Monologue

Aug 04, 2024

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What is it you want to change? Your hair, your face, your body? Why? For God is in love with all those things and he might weep when they are gone.”

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-St. Catherine of Siena

Painful Thoughts - Jules Emmanuel Valadon

“Who would love you?”

Like all bad habits, negative self-talk starts slowly and subtly, to the point that we fail to recognize what is occurring. There are countless reasons why this negative rhetoric begins: passing cutting remarks from family or peers or seeing yourself as ‘failing’ to live up to the media’s standard of beauty, and countless more experiences. A careless comment can cut deeper and last longer in others’ memories than any of us initially imagined, so we must always work to build up one another through our speech. We all have our crosses and demons to deal with - let’s not add to one another’s load!

I wanted to take the time today to go through some thoughts on this topic for my edification, and hopefully for yours as well!

The Devil’s Inside Attack

When I think of negative self-talk, the image of Wormtongue whispering lies to King Theoden in his stupor comes to mind. The Devil can utilize our negative self-talk to do his worst damage to us from within. If he can help absorb us in our flaws and limitations, then we will cultivate self-hatred…. and then that hatred spreads like cancer. Self-loathing is an effective tool for the Devil, as it is an easy win for him to have us incapacitated through our self-absorption. The reality is that, though we fall for his cheap tricks, the Devil does not have a leg to stand on! Through my faith, I know and believe that we were created in the Image of God: a unique and irreplaceable person, body and soul, created out of love by God and desired by Him to return to Him of our free will - this is what the Devil does not want us to recognize, and instead reiterates our unimportance, imperfections, and that we do not matter. His poisonous and siren song tries to convince us that our worth is based solely on our appearance or whether we have something others envy or desire. The Devil has tricked us into dimming our lamps that should be beaming with radiance to give light to others to lead them back to God.

Go to the Roots

Self-hatred is a constant monologue in your head that tears you apart at your most vulnerable and insecure places. Its goal is to tear you to shreds so that you believe you are not worth anything, and that people will not love you once they truly see you. These lies can dictate how we live while longing to accept ourselves and stop being at war within. In addition, a knowledge of the chinks in your armour can help you in defending yourself against the Devil’s attacks. We all have our weaknesses, and this one might just be yours. If it is, you have to be aware of the negative rhetoric that creeps into your self-talk and how he tries to chip away at your self-esteem. We all need healing in some way from past experiences of varying degrees. We can take the opportunity to seek the help that we need to build from those moments to become the person God created us to be. I have included some articles, books, and videos at the end of this post that can hopefully direct you to good sources of help (If my post drones on a little, feel free to scroll to the resources!).

The Subtle Vice of Pride

I remember some Catholic speaker (hopefully I will recall who it was) who made the interesting claim that self-hatred can be a sin of Pride against God. It was so intriguing to me, as I never connected negative self-talk to this vice (as it seems the very opposite!). The argument was that self-hatred means we are allowing the media, peers, and ourselves to dictate our worth. In reality, we are telling God that He was wrong: that we are not worth His Death and Resurrection…. that He got something wrong with His masterpiece when He created you. If that is not pride, I don’t know what is! I am taking my word and my estimation over the One who created me and holds me in existence! This point here is not to condemn anyone struggling with negative self-talk. Moreover, it is a proposition to alter our perspective and to see beyond the seemingly insignificant negative comments that can cross our minds daily. These thoughts can be a reminder to return to Scripture and read what God says about us. I have included some Scripture quotes at the end of the article as a helpful reminder.

In the end, who do we choose to believe: man or God?

The Struggle to Love Oneself

Self-love is not a commodity; it is essential to how we live our lives. Christ speaks to this need for self-love in his command to “love your neighbour as yourself” (Mark 12:31). In this command to love one’s neighbour, Christ shows us how integral it is that we love ourselves well to treat others with that same love and respect. To love oneself is to recognize the goodness and gift of your existence from God, and to appreciate and cultivate the unique gifts and talents that you have been given. This love sounds lovely and simple, but it is so hard to authentically love oneself in this culture. On one end, we have society’s sense of self-love: the idolatry of the self, or the elevation of our greatness through putting down others. The analogy that comes to mind for me is a drowning person who pushes their companion underwater in hopes of keeping themselves above water to get another gasp of air The modern sense of self-love is harmful and does not aid us in better loving others in particular. In reaction, we see some concerned parties dismiss the concept of self-love as ‘nonsense’ and avoid the space for self-reflection and care. This view is also harmful, as how we treat and love ourselves directly relates to how we treat others. If we can recognize ourselves as a gift, we can better give of ourselves to others and appreciate the people in our lives.

A Need for Restoration

We all, at various levels, have to start a new conversation with ourselves and restore our vision of ourselves. Our society has programmed us to fragment the image of a person into parts of their body, instead of seeing the person as a whole: body and soul. This outlook is at the root of lust in our culture, but it is also the root of body dysmorphia. With negative self-talk, we fragment the image of ourselves into parts and focus solely on what the world deems to be our imperfections. However, God never makes mistakes. Regardless of our ability to recognize it, we are utterly unique, whole, and unrepeatable masterpieces. In this understanding, our mere existence is good, and our witness to God’s love brings beauty back into the world. In difficult moments, we can ask for God’s grace to reveal our goodness to us, and to help us to count the many blessings that are in our lives.

Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes

No matter how many times it is repeated, it is so hard to truly interiorize that our identity comes from being a son or daughter of God - that our worth does not increase or diminish depending on life’s seasons, that we are always cherished by He who knows and loves us better than we ever can. He wants each of us to ask Him who we are, and He wants to help us embrace and cultivate the many gifts He has given us. Furthermore, we must remember that we are made in His Image - we have been given such incredible dignity to be made in His likeness. When we seek to put ourselves down, we have to actively remind ourselves of this fundamental truth.

In short…

It is a life-long journey to accept and love oneself, but it is vital to love God and our neighbour well.
Envy is the thief of Happiness. You are wonderful like you, not like *insert name.* Limit your social media use, and have an attitude of gratitude for the gifts of other people. We are all parts of the Mystical Body of Christ, so we should rejoice in the gifts of our brothers and sisters!
Everyone struggles with something - we just rarely get to see an inside view. Understand your brokenness, and have compassion for others who are still amid their brokenness. Hurt people hurt people.
God gave you the gift of your life. It is up to you to take care of your body and soul, and in turn, to give your life back to God and others.

Bible Quotes

“[T]he Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
-1 Samuel 16:7

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
-Proverbs 31:30

“Yet, O Lord, thou art our Father; we are the clay, and thou art our potter; we are all the work of thy hand.”
-Isaiah 64:8

“You are all fair, my love; there is no flaw in you.”
-Song of Solomon 4:7

“Thy hands have made and fashioned me;”
-Psalm 119:73

Prayers

Father in heaven, I know that you have made me with the greatest care and attention. Not one detail has been left to chance. I ask today for your grace to see myself the way you see me. I ask especially that you draw my attention to the part of myself that I do not value enough, and I ask that you redeem my understanding of it. I know that you value me and love me far more than I can comprehend, and I trust in your healing power today. Thank you, Father, for creating me with such love and attention. Amen. Source

Reading Opportunities:

See Yourself as God Does: Understanding Holy Body Image Through Catholic Scripture by Shannon Whitmore (Ascension Press, 2023)
Improving Your Body Image Through Catholic Teaching: How Theology of the Body and Other Church Writings Can Transform Your Life by Dr John Acquaviva (TAN Books, 2019)
You Are Enough: What Women of the Bible Teach You About Your Mission and Worth by Danielle Bean
The Litany for Healing of Body Image

Helpful Videos

Every body is different (different heritages,genetics, etc)
Your body is unique to you by God - there is no need to compare
Don’t get caught up in the Instagram whirlpool
Get out and be active!
Bring your insecurities to prayer. You can spend your life loving or hating your one body.

1) Focus on helping you and your body be “Happy, Healthy, and Strong”
2) Enjoy taking caring for your body
3) Purposeful Positive Self-Talk and denounce lies
4) When I put my body down, I am calling God’s work of art “ugly”

Michelle’s Substack

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